Breaking down could be the beginning of a break through.
No one wants to admit defeat. It seems to go against our natural
instinct to give up. This is a good thing if it is pointed in the
right direction. Giving up smoking. Giving up bickering and
fighting. Giving up anxiety, fear and panic. Giving up negative
Giving up sexual addiction is perhaps the single
most important thing you will do. If you don't, consider the
consequences. The problem is we don't take account of what it does to
us. We want to be in denial and still use.
truth shall set you free." (John 8:32)
The truth maybe
painful to face, but it will set us free. Addiction is all about not
feeling. A simple thing it is to take account of what something in our
lives is doing for us - positive or negative. But we can't do
it. Sometimes we are forced to face the truth. Maybe it is a
loved one confronting us or we may find ourselves in legal or financial
trouble because of the sex or porn addiction.
It is important to do a
few things and to stay away from some things as well.
with the things to stay away from.
1. Stay away from
pornography and pictures that trigger you. Sound obvious? It is,
but not always easy to do. If you want to avoid a slip, avoid
slippery persons, places and things. You may have to define
what these things are for you. It could be a simple as a checkout line
where the magazines are or the photography section in a bookstore. It
could be lingering in bed to long or the shower. The computer or cell
phone that doesn't have any filtering on it. Has to be something you
are willing to discover for yourself rather than anyone telling you that you
need to give it up.
2. Self Pity. Self pity never got
anyone anywhere except towards a depressed and possibly suicidal state and a
place of immobility. Spiritual paralysis.
3. Anger and
Resentment. These emotions trigger addicts to use. We feel that
we deserve a break today, that my life isn't going well, and so I might as
well use a little. The 4th step in the 12 steps of Alcoholics
Anonymous is very helpful to free you from anger and resentment.
are the things we should do?
1. Seek good information about
addiction. You can't fix something you are in the dark about.
Learn about it and how it affects you. Learn what makes the addiction
cycle work and what breaks it. Learn about your needs behind your
sexual acting about and how to meet those needs differently. Learn
about the illusion of control and how self control and will power makes it
worse and how surrender kills the obsession.
2. Go to 12 step
meetings. Ugh. Most people can't stomach the thought of going to
meetings with a bunch of sex addicts. "Why do I have to go?," we
whine. The fact is that you don't have to do anything. If you
are bottoming out and you are willing to do anything to get better, you
might as well explore 12 steps. Why? Let's look at Alcoholics
Anonymous (AA). It has been around 75 years, operates with no
president or huge amounts of money running through it, does not advertize
per se, doctors, counselors and courts recommend it. What is that
about? It must work at some level. If it didn't have something
to offer, it would not be in existence. I heard a comedian playfully
joking about the scam of a treatment center collecting $20,000 from a
patient and then loading him into a van to take him to a free AA meeting
down the street. Sexholics Anonymous (SA),
Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA) and
Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA)
are 12 steps groups that have been around about the past 2 decades to help
those recovering from sex addiction.
3. Get a sponsor.
What? You have me going to meetings and now you want me to have a
sponsor? Well, here is the deal. It is very difficult to get
through a program without help from somebody. It is like operating on
yourself. Your best thinking got you into this mess and your best
thinking can't get you out of it. You could get a therapist and there
is great value in that as well, but a sponsor is free, the relationship is
pretty amazing in many ways. It is like a personal trainer or coach he
suffered from the same problem, has gotten free and helps you do what they
did to get well. It is simple as that. They understand you
because they have experienced the disease. If you need to wait to do
this step, it is understandable, but at least try to be open.
Get a therapist or recovery coach. Unlike a sponsor, a therapist is
going to have specialized training in sex addiction recovery. Like
drug and alcohol counselors they have a special interest in helping others
because they have had this touch their own lives. They received the
latest information, research and tools that will help you get free.
There is usually a financial investment for this, but the addiction has cost
you plenty and any good therapist who specializes in this will give you the
tools and support to get you free faster.
to be concluded --
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